Wide World o ZuTroy

The Birds

I remember when I was a kid that I wasn’t allowed to watch Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. Supposedly it was “too scary”. That was fine with me, I never really liked scary movies anyway. So when I finally watched it a few years ago, I remember thinking “Hmmmm, what’s the big deal? That wasn’t scary”

So yesterday I went to practice my golf swing. And a little putting as well. So there I am on this huge practice putting green and I can hear the birds around. Didn’t exactly remind me of “The Birds”. It kinda reminded me of the picture perfect summer day. Nice almost cool breeze, birds chirping, nothing but me and the golf ball. Concentrate on form. Nice and easy. Good putt. I was getting into a pretty good rhythm and was sinking a few 14 footers. (that’s really good for me)

So there I am putting away. Just about to swing and I hear a bird chirp that seems unusually loud. And close. So I turn thinking “wow that bird needs to tone it down a little.” And there it was, flapping away about 2 feet from my head. “whoa,” I thought to myself “that bird didn’t even see me. Stupid bird!” So back to my putting. Concentrate, relax, don’t concentrate too hard, don’t relax THAT much. Good putt. Move on to the next hole. Good form… “WHAT THE CRAP?!?” The bird buzzed me again! I was pretty sure at this point that the bird was attracted to my bright new yellow golf shirt and just wanted to check it out.

“Alright, just ignore the bird. We’re here to practice golf. Concentrate, watch out for the bird, concentrate… Was that a shadow of a flying menace?! Just shake it off. Concentrate, swing.” K, at this point I realized that if you are worried about something hitting you in the head, it’s really hard to truly concentrate. So I decide to call it a day and go find that last ball that was only supposed to go a few feet and ended up WAY off the green. So I go put away the balls and start to put away the club when I notice the birds (Yes there is a whole team of them at this point) keeping an eye on this other guy practicing his chipping. And every few minutes, when he was facing exactly away from a bird, it would do this little dive bomb thing and chirp and fly away just inches from his head.

Now I was pissed. I wasn’t about to let Alfred’s birds ruin my day practicing. So I bend down to get the balls back out of my golf bag and “Squawk!!!” One snuck in from behind me. So I start thinking about the movie, Holy crap, there were only like 3 or 4 birds in this sortie. Imagine thousands like in the movie. Holy crap that’s scary!

I hate birds now.