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I had a professor in college that was always telling us to find the “So what?”.  When we wrote a paper, it had to have a “so what?” or he would make us start over.  I have really tried to make that a part of my communication because I have the tenancy to make a story longer than shorter, to ramble on little bit, to give three examples when one would suffice.

I’ve been able to do pretty well with it in speaking I think.  As long as I don’t have to tell a story to lead up to something I can keep it short and to the point.  And I make sure that I’m not talking just to talk. I talk when I need to say something.  I have several friends that I consider close friends that I haven’t really spoken to for months at a time.  It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them, it’s that I’m busy and they’re busy and I don’t have a “so what?” to go talk to them about.  But when I do it’s a good but often short conversation.

I think the “so what?” idea especially applies when I’m chatting with someone over IM during working hours.  I know I’m busy, and the other person is probably busy so I keep it short and to the point.  But then I have this one friend that I see every month or so and I chat with him once or twice each week, sometimes less.  But in all that seeing and chatting I can only think of one “so what?” in the last year that he has wanted to talk about when he starts chatting. And it drives me crazy.  Not crazy enough to lecture him on it but crazy enough to write a post about it.

So here’s my “so what?” for my friends, family and colleagues:

I love to hear from you but please have a “so what?” if you are going to chat with me.

From my 4 year old:

A family is kids and parents… That love each other… And eat food.. And breakfast… when they wake up in the morning.

A few months ago I posted that I one of the goals in my bucket list was to read 1000 books.  And well, I promptly stopped reading.  Shame on me.

See, I have the tendency to get busy working and living and forget my goals sometimes.  Just to be fair though I am doing pretty good on my goal to practice golfing. I even took Jonathan out for 9 holes at good ol’ Cascade.  I’ll also say that I’m not doing so great on my goal to hit a 72.  And also not so good on the “Sail Across the Atlantic” goal.  I had hoped to take sailing lessons this summer but this thing called life keeps getting in the way.

Well I have been trying to be a little more organized (not a bucket list goal by the way) and I actually forced myself to sit down and pick up a good book.  Only took me 3 nights of reading before bed to read through “Good to Great” by Jim Collins.

Have to say, thoroughly enjoyed the book.  But I find myself asking what kind of business person do I want to be.  Part of me wants to manage something great, part of me wants to start something great.  But rarely are both done my the same person.  There are a few rare examples but for the most part, you’re either good at starting something or keeping something running – not both.

Either way, I’ll be reading Good To Great again.  There’s so much relevant knowledge in there.  If you haven’t read it and even if you’re not up to your neck in business I still recommend reading it.

I have 3 kids, a 4th on the way.  Jonathan is 10, Cari is 8 and James is 3.  Normally getting ready for bed is like most households. There’s some instructions given and then ignored. Then there’s some voice raising and a little more voice raising until one or two of the kids comply.  Then there’s some yelling and some half empty threats and then they are ready for bed.  Well, dressed for bed is more like it, they’re ready for rough housing because now everyone is worked up.

Getting them to do chores is completely different.  Not in a good way.  There’s threats and bribes and many a time there’s punishments.  Some times though, the chores get done.

Well it all changed yesterday.  I met the Continue reading

I like to point things out to my kids when I drive like my dad did with me when I was a kid.  He always had this uncanny ability to see 14 deer hiding in the scrub oak as we cruised down the winding highway a little faster than we should have been.  “Where?” was usually the response.

I have no idea how he managed to see them and stay on the road at the same time.  He explained it to me when I was old enough to drive and I’ve always tried to master it like he did but I doubt I’ll ever get to the level he was at.  Just to be fair, he’s not at that level anymore.  We have to remind him that he’s officially “too old” to do it safely.  It doesn’t stop him of course but we still remind him.

So a couple weeks ago I was driving along with my kids and I saw the small remains of our local herd of antelope.  I pointed them out to the kids and got the most excited response from my 3 year old.

“Antelopes?!?!?! I LOVE ANTELOPES!!!”

“You do? ” I replied.  I knew he had been learning about the cycle of life in preschool and how chicks hatch from an egg and grow in to little chickens and then when they are big enough either they give us more eggs or we eat them.  So I figured they must have learned a little about antelopes. And I caught myself thinking “that’s kind of a weird animal to showcase for preschoolers, you would think they would have chosen cows or horses or cats or dogs or something that would be a little more familiar to the kids.”  And then it all became clear to me.

“I love antelopes AND watermelons.”  And I couldn’t correct him, I was laughing so hard under my breath.

He’s clear on the difference between cantaloupes and antelopes now though. I even went and bought one so I could be clear that he knew what I was talking about.  A cantaloupe, I bought a cantaloupe, not an antelope.

I appreciate courtesy when speaking with people.  And when communicating in something other than speech for that matter as well. I like when I see someone allow someone else to merge on the freeway or when someone holds the door for another person.  Bet there’s times when courtesy becomes a discourtesy.

If you are entering a traffic circle for instance and there’s a long line of cars behind you, don’t stop and give up your right of way to someone else once you are in the traffic circle.  That’s frustrating way more people than you are helping.  I think most people would agree with me on that one.  Just by obeying the laws of right of way you can give people the most courtesy on the road.

Then there’s email.  K, this one really gets me. When I do something for you and I know that you should be grateful,  I don’t need another email with the only content being the phrase “thanks”, “thank you” or “thanks a lot”.  Or even better, “this is great, thanks.”  I KNOW it’s great.  I know you’re thankful.  Don’t waste my time by distracting me from my work by making me read your “thanks”. It’s an understood.  If you really feel the need to say thanks, I expect a full explanation of why you are taking more of my time to think about something that has passed.

Better yet, if you are that thankful, don’t send me an email, find something more sincere like sending me a nice basket of plastic flowers. (no, don’t really send flowers, that’s just for illustrative purposes.)  Come over to my desk and say thanks, mention it the next time we talk, even mention it in the next email when we are starting up a new thread.  Something like “I appreciate you help on … the other day, it really saved my skin on … I have a new favor to ask of you…” and then continue on with the message.  That’s a nice warm fuzzy without wasting my time.  It also creates a nice friendly atmosphere for you to ask me to do something that you know I don’t really want to do.

Bottom line, don’t email me just to say “thanks”.