zutroy.net

What exactly is it about blogs anyway? What keeps people coming back to read them? Why do I read the blogs that I do. It’s not because they’re my friends blogs. Sure I check my friends blogs on a regular basis. Tho I don’t know why I check Grant’s blog, I know there won’t be anything new on there. And if I’m lucky Jon will have something on his. When he does, it’s a good read. But then there are a few blogs that I have stumbled upon that seem to strike a chord with me and even though I have no idea who these people are (at first anyway) I feel like I need to come back and see what else they are writing about. There’s a girl in the Bay area that has some views that are actually quite a bit more liberal than mine but I can really understand her perspective on things and agree with her more than I expect to. There’s that SEO/entrepreneur guy that named his blog after one of my ties. OK, he really named it after one of his ties but then I noticed the tag on my tie one Sunday while sitting in elders quorum and almost started laughing out loud. It’s nice to see that I am not the only entrepreneur that personally struggles while his company thrives. There’s that one mom/writer that writes about her suburban life and all the same things that I go through with my kids. Blogs are just weird. How do these people all find the time to write more than I do? I see things almost every day and say to myself “Oooo, I need to write a blog post about that one.” But then I just don’t have the time. Or I don’t take the time. Or something. I go back and read through my blog posts and half (if not more) of the posts are about nothing. So many of the ideas I have are at least about something marginally interesting. When I was a kid I wrote in my journal. I only wrote stuff that I couldn’t tell anyone. As I got older, I started thinking about what I would have to edit before I let anyone read it. I have two physical books that I have written in. They are both buried away somewhere and I’ll wager that no one will ever really get to read them. It’s a lot more fun to write a blog. I’m writing it for me but knowing that people are going to come read it. So it’s all still personal. But knowing beforehand that it’s not exactly private makes you write better I think. I actually spell check these and proofread them before posting them. I have even written a couple posts about intense situations before the mandatory 24 hours cooling off period and come back and not posted them. If it were my journal, they would be locked up in there forever. That’s not to say that I don’t leave errors. I’ve had a few people email me over the years to correct gross misspellings and inaccuracies and the like. It’s just nice to be able to sit here at 9:00 AM at my desk and babble about whatever I want and know that people will still read it through to the end. It’s odd. It kinda makes me feel some pressure to end each post with a slightly unexpected, slightly humorous, slightly logical statement. I wonder what would happen if I started ending each post like they end the episodes of The Office. It would almost be like stopping in the middle of a thought.

I had a dream I died last night. I was hurrying to visit a client and for some reason, even though they were a local company, I had to leave at like 3:00 AM to get there in time for the big meeting. So as I’m hurrying along taking note of the huge church buildings (and I mean huge. Think the local Mall. Then think bigger.) I notice that I am driving at freeway speeds on local city streets. But it’s ok, cause who drives around at 3:00 AM? So I’m going over things in my head and come up to my corner, (In my mind I can see where the corner should be but in real life there is no such street or corner in this place. Not sure what that means.) and I am thinking to my self, I should probably slow down a bit, after taking a pit stop at this men’s locker room that is just conveniently sitting on the side of the road and is oddly full of college kids getting ready for exams. Course it made sense then. So after taking a pit stop, I continue on without having to get back in the car and accelerate of course and I’m getting ready to take this 30 degree turn. So I slow to 80 MPH, then 75 MPH and then it’s too late. I miss my turn and fly right through the intersection which apparently is sitting at the top of a big hill. I fly off the edge of the hill and think to myself “I hope I land on the grass softly so I’m not late to my appointment” but then I feel the car disconnect with the earth and I brace for impact. Then I realize after a few seconds, I am going to hit and hit hard. I say to myself “I am going to die”. Not the kind of “I’m going to die” that you hear in movies. It’s the kind that no one ever hears because everyone who has ever said it like this did in fact die, and not in a soft way. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the end, there is absolutely no way someone could live through this. And then it all starts. In a flash I am thinking of my kids growing old standing upright before the Lord, I think of my wife raising them alone, I think of all the things I wish I had taken the time to do. I think of how I am glad that I have managed to put my life in order and get things on the right track even though I have such a long way to go. And then when I know I should be testing my theory on spiritual mass and momentum, I realize that I am not hitting the ground, I double check to see if I am still falling and indeed I am. “What’s going on here?” I ask aloud. “Is this some kind of joke? And who would have the ability to pull off such a prank?” And it just doesn’t come to resolution. I don’t hit, I don’t get an answer, I don’t start flying around looking at things from a Wonka-vator, I don’t think I even made it to my appointment. The non-sensicalness (if that’s even a word, spell checker thinks it’s not.) of the whole thing jars me from my sleep and I sit on the edge of my bed scratching my head. “What the crap? What does that mean?” But then I look at the clock, hmmmm, 3:00 AM. “I have that big client meeting today. I better just get up and get things ready so things are polished up and buttoned down nicely.” But then I made sure to follow the speed limit on the way to the office.